Star Trek Into Darkness- I Feel Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan'd

Recently something incredible has come to Denver. It is called the Alamo Drafthouse and it is the best way to watch a movie short of a Hollywood premiere. Alamo Drafthouse has been operating for decades in Austin, but recently they have been branching out across the country. If you've got one near you, you owe it to yourself to go. They serve food and drink in the theater, they have a very strict "No talking" policy, and show strange, obscure and relevant clips before the film. But what makes the Alamo Drafthouse really amazing are the special events they do on a regular basis. The last two times I went to the Drafthouse I saw comedic versions of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. The first time it was with live MST3K-style commentary by the very funny guys of Mile-Hi Sci-Fi. More recently I saw ~*~StAr TrEk InTo DaRkNeSs~*~.

The movie's title is derived from the 50% of the screen which was not covered in lens flare. J.J. Abrams is known for his "distinctive" directorial style where buries the film under this annoying effect which modern cameras were specifically made to prevent because no one wants to see it. So it's great to hear that Abrams is attached to direct the next installment of an iconic sci-fi franchise, where the characters swing around blades made of light.

The opening sequence of the movie leads to Spock fighting with Kirk about violating Starfleet General Order Number 1, better known as the Prime Directive which states:

As the right of each sentient species to live in accordance with its normal cultural evolution is considered sacred, no Star Fleet personnel may interfere with the normal and healthy development of alien life and culture. Such interference includes introducing superior knowledge, strength, or technology to a world whose society is incapable of handling such advantages wisely. Star Fleet personnel may not violate this Prime Directive, even to save their lives and/or their ship, unless they are acting to right an earlier violation or an accidental contamination of said culture. This directive takes precedence over any and all other considerations, and carries with it the highest moral obligation.

In this sequence, Spock uses super-advanced technology to prevent the extinction of a species, but Kirk allows the native population a brief glimpse of the Enterprise. So according to Spock's detailed legalistic mind, saving a species from extinction in a natural disaster equals non-interference, but a UFO sighting (which have always been treated with credibility and respect here on Earth) is a grave violation of all that Starfleet stands for.

The problems with star TREK into DARKNESS really began when the Enterprise got to Kronos. In the original series, Klingons looked a lot like Vulcans with mustaches. When the movies came out, Klingons got their Worf-esque make-over. Then the series Enterprise had a storyline where the Klingons were infected by a virus which cleared up the inconsistency, it was a stupid explanation, it had to be, but it resolved the problem. When Klingons appeared in Star Trek Into Darkness, they were wearing masks, a brilliant compromise, and then one of the Klingons removed his mask. The face behind the mask was not the Vulcan-esque vestige from the original series, which would have fit best with the series timeline, nor did we see the later Worfish appearance, but a third face we have not seen before. This implies that time-traveling Romulans can incidentally change the genetic traits of an entire species. Furthermore, we find out that the Romulans race altering powers can reach back in time about 200 years before the point they traveled back to magically transforming Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan from Indian to white.

At the end of Star Trek, Old Spock told Young Spock that the world was different now and that they would experience a whole new set of adventures. J.J. Abrams wasn't listening. Because once Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan joins the cast, the movie became a series of increasingly annoying, obvious, and unwelcome homages to Wrath of Khan with Kirk taking Spock's place of climbing into the reactor and then having the same dying conversation in reverse. By the time, Spock yells "Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan" I was dreading Star Trek III: The Search for Kirk. (Kirk came back to life because Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan is Wolverine now, too.)

Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, the super-genius who defeated thousands of other super-geniuses, to conquer a third of Asia during the Eugenics Wars was beaten by a move out of the Bugs Bunny playbook. 

Khan: Give me the torpedoes. 

Spock: *Snicker* Please, don't hurt us in our severely crippled vessel with your superior ship in perfect working order. *Chuckle* We'll give you the torpedoes. *Giggle*

[Spock beams over the torpedoes which immediately blow up and destroy Khan's ship.]

There is one bit of inconsistency introduced in STar TRek INto DArkNEss that I actually like. Finally, after the death of thousands of crewmembers, Starfleet has installed seatbelts on one of its ships. Now, if they would just stop putting explosives in all their consoles.