Saturday, October 8, 2011

Horrible Bosses- Murder Makes Everything Better

Horrible Bosses is a movie about three people who have bosses who are less than desirable in their chosen managerial styles. The economy is terrible and they face a prolonged period of unemployment should they choose to quit. Dale, Charlie Day's character, has an additional problem which we will discuss in more detail later on. To remedy the situation, our protagonists come to the logical conclusion that they must murder their employers. Wait a minute...that's not logical at all. That's incredibly stupid. See, murder is currently illegal in this country and is generally considered unethical. I know stupid, Puritanical lawmakers, but in this day and age you can still go to jail for stabbing a man to death unless you have had a successful career in professional football.

None of the protagonists really wants their boss dead. They just want to stop being jerks or failing that to no longer be their employers. The best play for Jason Bateman's character, Nick, and Jason Sudeikis's character, Kurt, is to get their bosses fired or maybe even arrested. And they had many excellent opportunities to do so.

Kurt likes his boss, but he doesn't survive 10 minutes of the film and the board of directors chooses the boss' son his successor. Kurt's new boss does not perform his duties well in large part do to his cocaine habit which he his known to indulge in on company premisses. Much like murder, cocaine is illegal and most employers frown on its use by employees, especially on duty. Most employment contracts include a clause that gives companies the right to terminate employees for drug use and to test employees who are suspected of using. Simply informing the board of his boss' activities, especially if he can provide proof, should be enough for Kurt to ensure his boss' termination.

Kurt's boss wants to fire all his overweight or handicapped employees. This is called wrongful termination. It is illegal and excellent grounds for a lawsuit which would lead to his termination. This gives Kurt two non-murder solutions without doing anything illegal or even unethical.

During the research phase of their murder plot, the main characters break into Kurt's boss' house and find a large quantity of cocaine. Again this would be an excellent opportunity for them to simply leave, inform the police and have Kurt's boss arrested. Even if he does not go to jail, he will certainly be fired.

Nick's problem is a bit more difficult as nothing Nick's boss had done before they agreed to kill him, while incredibly jackassish, could get him fired or arrested. However, after breaking into Kurt's boss' house, they proceed to break into Nick's boss' house. This would be an excellent opportunity to plant something illegal in his house, say a large quantity of cocaine (I wonder where they could have gotten that.), and notify the police.

But, Dale's decision to join in on the murder scheme was the most baffling of all. Because not only should he not want his boss dead, she is the only only person who would employe him as Dale points out in the film. See, Dale is a full-time dental assistant and a part-time registered sex offender and Julia (Jennifer Aniston) is a private practice dentist. If Dale worked at one of those chains of dental offices or in an office with multiple dentists, he might want to kill her. However, Julia is clearly the only one making or reviewing hiring decisions at her practice as no one is going to hire a registered sex offender for a job that involves drugging kids into unconsciousness. Dental practices without a dentist are called empty buildings. So should Julia stop being his boss for any reason, like being murdered, Dale faces permanent unemployment, just as if he quit.

Julia uses the knowledge of Dale's sex offender status to get away with sexually abusing and harassing both Dale and her patients. Normally, that would be grounds for suing and/or arresting her, however, as stated above, either a lawsuit or an arrest would result in Dale's permanent unemployment. Plus, he would have to deal with the social stigma of being a man claiming to be sexually harassed by an extremely attractive woman and that pesky sex offender thing eroding his credibility.

Ultimately, the only possible solution to Dale's problem is a M.A.D. (Mutual Assured Destruction) one and the one arrived at in the film. Dale gathers proof of Julia harassing a patient and uses it to blackmail her into better behavior. They are stuck with each other, after all, Julia has more to lose if Dale notifies the police.

All that is to say, please think out your murder plots beforehand. Killing someone might not be the best solution to your problem and, in some cases, it might even make things worse.

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