Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted- Your Most Recent Common Ancestor Would Be Ashamed

I was a little reluctant to see Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted. I found the previous Madagascar movies to be very uneven. In the earlier films, the main characters were consistently unfunny. They were also weighed down with annoying lemur, but peppered with uproariously funny spurts of penguin. So, I went hoping to find enough penguin to salvage the rest of the film. The previous films were filled with verbal gags and reference humor which rarely landed, but the third movie completely shattered the old paradigm, opting instead for an explosion of rapid fire sight gags. The main characters worked much better when they had less to say and the lemurs were nearly cut out. It was a manic journey of light and sound. And it worked pretty well. Rarely have I seen a movie so blatantly and delightfully divorced from all sibilance of logic.

But for a film with such a geographically based title, it fails the subject pretty badly. The animals' first stop in their journey though Europe is the city of Monte Carlo in the independent state of Monaco. This is were we encounter our primary antagonist, DeBois, who is repeatedly referred to as French. She is clearly not part of an international unit as evidenced by her encounters with Italian authorities. So either she is an immigrant to Monaco, which is an unnecessary, confusing, and unexplained bit of backstory, or the filmmakers should have bought a map. This is why our kids our falling behind in geography.

We like to be open minded here at No Spoiler Tags. We approve of interracial and homosexual relationships and even polygamy, if it is truly consensual and involving partners of legal age. However, this film must be condemned for blatantly advocating a most wicked lifestyle choice: inter-species sex. We believe that a species is a group of genetically isolated individuals capable of producing genetically viable offspring and that attempting to produce hybrids makes a biologist's life harder. As it says in Darwin 3:14, "That's just icky." On the day of the Great Taxonomy, Almighty Linnaeus will cast the hybridizers unto the clade Hexapoda where they must spend all eternity amongst the Arthropods. Man-on-dog is the road to santorum. And furthermore, how does a lemur have sex with a bear, I mean physically, how does that work? He must have to stand on a table or something.