Puss in Boots was a delightfully charming and funny movie and the first truly worthy sequel in the Shrek franchise. (Shrek 2 was ok, but it doesn't hold up to multiple viewings like the original does. I never actually saw Shrek 4, but the reviews suggest I haven't missed anything.) Like the original Shrek, Puss in Boots blends traditional fairy tales, pop culture, strong characters and adult humor to tell a story which is both familiar and completely original. Puss in Boots is basically a Western-style betrayal-filled heist film with just a piquant of Godzilla. But this is not a review site and this is not a review, I am writing about this movie because it perfectly demonstrates both the inherent strengths and weaknesses of 3D.
3D is great for literally adding depth to the background of your world through the use of long shots. 3D is also good for interesting camera angles with a cluttered foreground. And, 3D can make for interesting chase sequences through the use of close follow or POV shots. Puss in Boots does all of these things well. However, where 3D fails is also where it is used the most: fast-paced action. When characters or objects move quickly across the screen, 3D turns into a blurry mess. The same thing happens when the camera moves too quickly which is often necessary during action sequences. Remember that 3D is an illusion created by simultaneously displaying two images side-by-side and a movie itself is an illusion caused by displaying numerous stills every second. When you are watching a 3D movie, your brain is trying to synthesize hundreds of slightly offset images every second into a single coherent HD 3D video while simultaneously listening to the audio, keeping track of the plot, evaluating the movie as a whole and trying to remember whether or not you payed the phone bill. When the characters are flying through the air, dodging whizzing arrows, while the camera spins a 360, my brain says, "Fuck it, I'm going on break! Watch this static and call me when things slow down." Puss in Boots, which at times was down right beautiful in its use of 3D, was heavily dependent on rapid action which was frequently blurred.
So, now I present the No Spoiler Tags Rule of 3D for both viewers and filmmakers. First up, viewers...
1. If the studio won't pay to make shoot it in 3D, I won't pay to watch it in 3D. 3D conversion is not capable of delivering as sharp an image as true shot in 3D making any blurring effect even greater, but it is cheaper, not for you, for the studios, you pay the same price either way. If you don't know, if it's real or a conversion go to realorfake3d.com. [Note: Because of how they are made, computer generated animated movies are automatically real 3D.]
2. If I wouldn't see it in 2D, I'm not going to see it in 3D. Between the extra cost, the uncomfortably of wearing an extra set of glasses, and the aforementioned pluses and minuses of the medium, 3D usually winds up being a neutral experience for me, rather than a true selling point. If it looks like it's going to be a terrible movie in 2D, it's going to be a terrible movie in 3D. I'd prefer they add an extra dimension to the characters than the screen any day.
3. If all the ads are about the 3D, I'm not going at all. This one applies to all movies, not just 3D ones. If a trailer is all text or audience reaction shots, if they won't show you any of the actual movie, it's probably because they have something to hide.
For the filmmakers...
1. Don't move the camera. Before anyone is allowed to make a 3D film, they should be required to watch Alfred Hitchcock's Dial M for Murder. Hitchcock was known for excellent camera work. What's striking about Dial M for Murder, which was shot for but not released in 3D, is that the camera almost never moves. The contrast between Dial M for Murder and the rest of Hitchcock's work is even more apparent when you compare it to Rope, another one room movie where the camera is in constant motion. When camera moves are necessary, they should be slow and parallel to the action on screen. Many rapid moves against the flow of the action is bound to leave your audience watching a grainy blob.
2. Don't use gimmicks. Throwing things at the audience is more likely to annoy than thrill your audience. Towards the beginning of Avatar (The Non-Airbender) there is a shot of a man playing golf into a coffee cup, a shot that has no purpose other than reminding the audience that the movie is in 3D, I responded with an audible groan. (The same shot had been used several years before in the 3D version of Journey to the Center of the Earth, but no one saw that and they were better off for it.) We know the movie is in 3D. We're wearing the uncomfortable glasses.
3. Keep it slow. As discussed before, 3D doesn't work well with rapid movement. Particularly, close to the camera and perpendicular to the screen. If you absolutely must have something moving at top speed, (and I know I just railed against this in rule 2) it is best to aim it towards the audience, as that is the direction least likely to experience the blurring effect.
4. Keep it bright. 3D projectors aren't as bright as 2D ones and the audience are all wearing sunglasses. Take your dimly lit castle in 2D and show it in 3D and now your watching a black screen. Buy some extra light bulbs when you're shooting in 3D.
Whether you are a 3D viewer or filmmaker, follow these rules and everything should be just fine. And if you need an example of the highs and lows of 3D, watch Puss in Boots.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Last Airbender- The Book of Fire (Part 4 of 4)
Avatar: The Last Airbender was one of the best animated series of all time. Its three season run frequently bordered on perfection. The Last Airbender, M. Night Shyamalan's adaptation of season one, fell far short of that standard. In honor of the spin-off series, Legend of Korra, set to premiere in November [Note: It looks like Legend of Korra won't drop until 2012, but we're finishing the series anyway.], No Spoiler Tags presents this four part weekly series examining the Avatar movie series we deserved but did not and probably never will see.
In part one, we talk about some of the bigger mistakes Shyamalan made (there are far too many to mention them all and they have been well documented on other sites) and discuss how I would have done a Avatar movie series on a thematic level. Parts two through four are plot outlines for the three movies.
I'm just going to say it. I hate the undercover in the Fire Nation plotline. There, I said it. I feel better. By the time it's over, no less than four entire towns and three of their military outposts (the other finds out later and destroys the town off-screen) should know about the enemy kids running around the Fire Nation. This leads to the inescapable conclusions that there is not a loyal person in the Fire Nation and Aang and pals aren't very smart. Plus, Combustion Man apparently uses psychic powers to find and attack Aang completely out of line with the reality of the rest of the series. Another big problem with season is that Aang has a sudden crisis of conscious in the finale. Not because it's out of line with his character, it makes perfect sense for him to behave that way, but because the invasion was an assassination plot and Aang had no problem with it then. But the most world breaking problem is the battle of Ba Sing Se, in which we see four benders and a guy with a sword easily take the most defended city on the planet when the defenders are ten times more powerful. This makes the Fire Nation look incompetent both for failing to take the city earlier and being unable to defend it. It also makes the concept of fortifications seem useless. So, I've killed the undercover in the Fire Nation plot and I've got some brilliant tweaks to clear up the finale problems.
In part one, we talk about some of the bigger mistakes Shyamalan made (there are far too many to mention them all and they have been well documented on other sites) and discuss how I would have done a Avatar movie series on a thematic level. Parts two through four are plot outlines for the three movies.
I'm just going to say it. I hate the undercover in the Fire Nation plotline. There, I said it. I feel better. By the time it's over, no less than four entire towns and three of their military outposts (the other finds out later and destroys the town off-screen) should know about the enemy kids running around the Fire Nation. This leads to the inescapable conclusions that there is not a loyal person in the Fire Nation and Aang and pals aren't very smart. Plus, Combustion Man apparently uses psychic powers to find and attack Aang completely out of line with the reality of the rest of the series. Another big problem with season is that Aang has a sudden crisis of conscious in the finale. Not because it's out of line with his character, it makes perfect sense for him to behave that way, but because the invasion was an assassination plot and Aang had no problem with it then. But the most world breaking problem is the battle of Ba Sing Se, in which we see four benders and a guy with a sword easily take the most defended city on the planet when the defenders are ten times more powerful. This makes the Fire Nation look incompetent both for failing to take the city earlier and being unable to defend it. It also makes the concept of fortifications seem useless. So, I've killed the undercover in the Fire Nation plot and I've got some brilliant tweaks to clear up the finale problems.
The Book of Fire (Run time: ~3 hours 20 minutes)
Opening- Aang wakes up 3 days to 1 week after Ba Sing Se. After brief freak out, Hakkoda, Bato and the kids discuss the new invasion plan. They mention planning to use the next several months gathering troops. Bato mentions that he will be taking a group of ships south. Hakkoda says they are taking their fleet north recruiting Earth Kingdom troops on the way to the waterbenders of the North Pole. Sokka says that they will be breaking off from the fleet and going to the Northern Air Temple as there is someone there he needs to talk to. Toph suggests contacting the White Lotus, but Sokka says no. He doesn't quite trust them just yet and stresses that if the invasion is going to succeed it must be a surprise so they need to control who knows about it. (Segment runs about 10 minutes)
Zuko plotline- Zuko's story from the first half of the season including Iroh in jail and the Sozin perspective of The Avatar and The Firelord, but excluding The Beach. Hints that Azula and Ty Lee are in a romantic relationship. (Very subtle hints. As much as I'd love to see a hardcore lesbian sex scene here, it wouldn't fit in, but if it's done right it makes Azula's breakdown even better.) Scene transitions are handled by showing silent, semi-still shots of preparing for the invasion, including Aang healing and training, Sokka designing and building, and Hakkoda recruiting. (Segment runs about 35 minutes)
The Day of Black Sun- Hakkoda and the kids are in the hold of a ship when Bato comes in and says the troops have gathered for the briefing, but first he has to ask Aang something. He says "When you face the Fire Lord, you will have to kill him. Are you ready for that?' Aang: "I've killed before." Katara: "We all have." Hakkoda: "There is a difference between killing someone in combat and hunting a man down. When you look a man in the eyes before deliberately extinguishing his life, it rips out a part of your soul. Aang, if you're not prepared to deal with that, then we should just go home now." Aang: "Generations of Fire Lords have plunged this world into chaos. They slaughtered my people. The blood of millions are on their hands. It is my duty to bring peace to the world, no matter the personal cost. I must end this war. I am ready." Toph: "Then, let's go!" Hakkoda gives a quick briefing and the invasion begins. As the kids are fleeing on Appa, Azula send some of the smaller airships to follow and report back the avatar's location, but Zuko shoots down the pursuers.(Segment runs about 35 minutes)
The Western Air Temple- Zuko arrives shortly after the kids and is immediately put in an earth trap. Zuko begs to teach Aang. Toph reasons that he is the only person in the world that is willing to do it. Katara: "We'll find someone else." Sokka: "That's right." Aang: "Up until now, we've been racing to end the war before the comet comes, but since the Earth Kingdom fell and the Day of Black Sun has passed. There's no reason to rush anymore. We've got time now. I'll find another master. Things can't get any worse." Zuko: "That's where you're wrong..." Zuko explains Ozai's plan for the day of the comet. Aang and Sokka decide that they have no choice, but to give Zuko a chance. (Segment runs about 10 minutes)
The Boiling Rock- On screen text indicates that one month has passed. Aang and Zuko are in a firebending training session. They take a break and Sokka takes Zuko aside to ask where his father is being held. Events proceed as in the show. While Zuko is in the dining hall, one of the guards mentions being reassigned to retaking Omashu. Another says he heard that their crazy king retook the entire city single-handedly during the eclipse. Suki is housed in a separate women's wing. After returning to the Western Air Temple, Chit Sang uses a messenger hawk on the airship to contact Azula. (Segment runs about 35 minutes)
The Southern Raiders- Chit Sang breaks away from the group after the escape and goes to Azula asking for his reward. Azula launches into a speech about loyalty and before killing him. Zuko and Katara take off on Appa without talking to Aang and the others about their plans first. Kya's killer is still on the ship. (Segment runs about 15 minutes)
Sozin's Comet- Katara tearfully tells everyone about hunting down Kya's killer and then not being able to kill him saying "I could feel my soul starting to tear." Aang: "I am proud of you. Killing is never the answer." Zuko: "So, what will you do when you face my father?" Aang: "I don't know anymore." After Aang vanishes, Sokka receives a message that the White Lotus Society is gathering at Ba Sing Se and they decide that's where they could be the most useful. The Battle of Ba Sing Se begins with Iroh sending a huge fire blast into the sky which explodes out like a firework into the shape of the White Lotus and burns in the sky above the city. In the city, Piandao says "It's time." and jumps into action attacking the Fire Nation troops. Soon, we see that a massive rebellion has suddenly broke out all across the city. Civilians are fighting with bending, weapons, clubs and pans. Children are throwing things from windows at the troops below. The powerful benders of the White Lotus are also fighting, but I want the civilians to get most of the air time. [This makes the re-capture of Ba Sing Se more plausible, it provides parallels with how Azula took the city, and it shows the Fire Nation was right to fear the Earth Kingdom civilians. There is also some wonderful irony about a city being so tightly controlled for centuries being saved by chaos.] Toph falls to her death well out of Sokka's reach. [I love Toph, but if we're doing an adult version of the series a main character must die. Aang, Katara and Zuko all have important roles to play after the series. Suki is too inconsequential to kill and besides Sokka can't have two girlfriends die in six months. Sokka deserves a happy ending more than anyone else and it'd be really weird for Katara and Aang to make out right after Sokka's funeral. So, that leaves Toph. Her death will be more poignant because she has been so powerful up to that point and it gives a nod to a fan theory about The Swamp.] Otherwise as in show. (Segment runs about 1 hour)
So that's it. I hope you enjoyed my adaptation of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Let's hope that Legend of Korra stands up to the original series and that one day Nickelodeon gives a more competent writer/director a shot at doing this show justice on the big screen.
Zuko plotline- Zuko's story from the first half of the season including Iroh in jail and the Sozin perspective of The Avatar and The Firelord, but excluding The Beach. Hints that Azula and Ty Lee are in a romantic relationship. (Very subtle hints. As much as I'd love to see a hardcore lesbian sex scene here, it wouldn't fit in, but if it's done right it makes Azula's breakdown even better.) Scene transitions are handled by showing silent, semi-still shots of preparing for the invasion, including Aang healing and training, Sokka designing and building, and Hakkoda recruiting. (Segment runs about 35 minutes)
The Day of Black Sun- Hakkoda and the kids are in the hold of a ship when Bato comes in and says the troops have gathered for the briefing, but first he has to ask Aang something. He says "When you face the Fire Lord, you will have to kill him. Are you ready for that?' Aang: "I've killed before." Katara: "We all have." Hakkoda: "There is a difference between killing someone in combat and hunting a man down. When you look a man in the eyes before deliberately extinguishing his life, it rips out a part of your soul. Aang, if you're not prepared to deal with that, then we should just go home now." Aang: "Generations of Fire Lords have plunged this world into chaos. They slaughtered my people. The blood of millions are on their hands. It is my duty to bring peace to the world, no matter the personal cost. I must end this war. I am ready." Toph: "Then, let's go!" Hakkoda gives a quick briefing and the invasion begins. As the kids are fleeing on Appa, Azula send some of the smaller airships to follow and report back the avatar's location, but Zuko shoots down the pursuers.(Segment runs about 35 minutes)
The Western Air Temple- Zuko arrives shortly after the kids and is immediately put in an earth trap. Zuko begs to teach Aang. Toph reasons that he is the only person in the world that is willing to do it. Katara: "We'll find someone else." Sokka: "That's right." Aang: "Up until now, we've been racing to end the war before the comet comes, but since the Earth Kingdom fell and the Day of Black Sun has passed. There's no reason to rush anymore. We've got time now. I'll find another master. Things can't get any worse." Zuko: "That's where you're wrong..." Zuko explains Ozai's plan for the day of the comet. Aang and Sokka decide that they have no choice, but to give Zuko a chance. (Segment runs about 10 minutes)
The Boiling Rock- On screen text indicates that one month has passed. Aang and Zuko are in a firebending training session. They take a break and Sokka takes Zuko aside to ask where his father is being held. Events proceed as in the show. While Zuko is in the dining hall, one of the guards mentions being reassigned to retaking Omashu. Another says he heard that their crazy king retook the entire city single-handedly during the eclipse. Suki is housed in a separate women's wing. After returning to the Western Air Temple, Chit Sang uses a messenger hawk on the airship to contact Azula. (Segment runs about 35 minutes)
The Southern Raiders- Chit Sang breaks away from the group after the escape and goes to Azula asking for his reward. Azula launches into a speech about loyalty and before killing him. Zuko and Katara take off on Appa without talking to Aang and the others about their plans first. Kya's killer is still on the ship. (Segment runs about 15 minutes)
Sozin's Comet- Katara tearfully tells everyone about hunting down Kya's killer and then not being able to kill him saying "I could feel my soul starting to tear." Aang: "I am proud of you. Killing is never the answer." Zuko: "So, what will you do when you face my father?" Aang: "I don't know anymore." After Aang vanishes, Sokka receives a message that the White Lotus Society is gathering at Ba Sing Se and they decide that's where they could be the most useful. The Battle of Ba Sing Se begins with Iroh sending a huge fire blast into the sky which explodes out like a firework into the shape of the White Lotus and burns in the sky above the city. In the city, Piandao says "It's time." and jumps into action attacking the Fire Nation troops. Soon, we see that a massive rebellion has suddenly broke out all across the city. Civilians are fighting with bending, weapons, clubs and pans. Children are throwing things from windows at the troops below. The powerful benders of the White Lotus are also fighting, but I want the civilians to get most of the air time. [This makes the re-capture of Ba Sing Se more plausible, it provides parallels with how Azula took the city, and it shows the Fire Nation was right to fear the Earth Kingdom civilians. There is also some wonderful irony about a city being so tightly controlled for centuries being saved by chaos.] Toph falls to her death well out of Sokka's reach. [I love Toph, but if we're doing an adult version of the series a main character must die. Aang, Katara and Zuko all have important roles to play after the series. Suki is too inconsequential to kill and besides Sokka can't have two girlfriends die in six months. Sokka deserves a happy ending more than anyone else and it'd be really weird for Katara and Aang to make out right after Sokka's funeral. So, that leaves Toph. Her death will be more poignant because she has been so powerful up to that point and it gives a nod to a fan theory about The Swamp.] Otherwise as in show. (Segment runs about 1 hour)
So that's it. I hope you enjoyed my adaptation of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Let's hope that Legend of Korra stands up to the original series and that one day Nickelodeon gives a more competent writer/director a shot at doing this show justice on the big screen.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
A Bug's Life- Marxist Propaganda
A Bug's Life is one of the best films from Pixar which as I've said multiple times on this blog is the greatest movie studio in the history of history. This post really isn't about this movie so much as how the perspective of a film can change based on how your vision of the world has changed.
When the movie came out in 1998, the world was basically sunshine and happiness. America was at the height of it's economic and political power. The Soviet Union had collapsed and China was becoming much friendlier to the West. The Cold War was over and with it the constant fear of nuclear annihilation. We were about as close to world peace as we have ever been. Computers and cell phones were just starting to become affordable and useful to the common man. I was 12 and A Bug's Life was a generic tale about teamwork and believing in yourself.
Then, 2001 kicked off what I call the Decade of Crap in which every year it has gotten a little worse to be an American. (Personally, I've been on a pretty much non-stop winning streak since 2004, but for most people it has been total crap.) In the past 10 years, we've seen war and the rise of international terrorism. China now owns a third of the US. The stock market seems to crash on a bi-weekly basis. Mexico has been taken over by the cartels. Lady Gaga is the most popular recoding artist in the world. A catastrophic natural disaster seems to strike every month. Bipartisan cooperation has never been worse. It's never been easier to get the news, but never been harder to find actual reporting. Europe is on the brink of revolution. Religion is considered more important than science. I could go on, but this is really getting depressing.
Now in 2011, as a politically knowledgeable 25 year old after the Decade of Crap, A Bug's Life is Marxist parable about the common man standing up to and overthrowing the corporate oligarchy.
Take a look at this scene...
Couldn't you see that being played at an Occupy (Your Town Here) rally? He even mentions the grasshopper:ant ratio a 100:1. [Puts on stoner voice] You see the grasshoppers represent the top 1% out there living the high life off of the hard work of the other 99% of society. They're parasites. They don't contribute. They don't need the grain, man. All they care about is greed and control. If we ants band together, we can feed them all to the birds, like they deserve, man. (Stoner #2: Who are the birds? Stoner #1: I don't know, man. The SEC, maybe? The metaphor just got away from me a little bit there, but stick with me.) The grasshoppers need the ants. The ants don't need the grasshoppers. [End stoner voice] Wow, that was a surprisingly eloquent stoner with some well though out opinions about corporate malfeasance.
The point is media is always being re-evaluated in the light of current events. Zippidy-do-da was once the unofficial theme song of Disney. Then, everyone suddenly realized that that movie is incredibly racist and now Disney has a hit out on anyone whose ever heard of Song of the South. The Terminator used to be a fun little action film, but it looks more prophetic every year. Manhattan used to be a lot funnier before Woody Allen married his ex-wife's adopted daughter making the borderline illegal relationship in the film look too real for comfort. New meanings are found, old meanings are lost. Such is the way of things. Commentary is ephemeral and can only be viewed in the perspective of the moment. In other words, if you disagree with a No Spoiler Tags post, it was brilliant yesterday.
When the movie came out in 1998, the world was basically sunshine and happiness. America was at the height of it's economic and political power. The Soviet Union had collapsed and China was becoming much friendlier to the West. The Cold War was over and with it the constant fear of nuclear annihilation. We were about as close to world peace as we have ever been. Computers and cell phones were just starting to become affordable and useful to the common man. I was 12 and A Bug's Life was a generic tale about teamwork and believing in yourself.
Then, 2001 kicked off what I call the Decade of Crap in which every year it has gotten a little worse to be an American. (Personally, I've been on a pretty much non-stop winning streak since 2004, but for most people it has been total crap.) In the past 10 years, we've seen war and the rise of international terrorism. China now owns a third of the US. The stock market seems to crash on a bi-weekly basis. Mexico has been taken over by the cartels. Lady Gaga is the most popular recoding artist in the world. A catastrophic natural disaster seems to strike every month. Bipartisan cooperation has never been worse. It's never been easier to get the news, but never been harder to find actual reporting. Europe is on the brink of revolution. Religion is considered more important than science. I could go on, but this is really getting depressing.
Now in 2011, as a politically knowledgeable 25 year old after the Decade of Crap, A Bug's Life is Marxist parable about the common man standing up to and overthrowing the corporate oligarchy.
Take a look at this scene...
Couldn't you see that being played at an Occupy (Your Town Here) rally? He even mentions the grasshopper:ant ratio a 100:1. [Puts on stoner voice] You see the grasshoppers represent the top 1% out there living the high life off of the hard work of the other 99% of society. They're parasites. They don't contribute. They don't need the grain, man. All they care about is greed and control. If we ants band together, we can feed them all to the birds, like they deserve, man. (Stoner #2: Who are the birds? Stoner #1: I don't know, man. The SEC, maybe? The metaphor just got away from me a little bit there, but stick with me.) The grasshoppers need the ants. The ants don't need the grasshoppers. [End stoner voice] Wow, that was a surprisingly eloquent stoner with some well though out opinions about corporate malfeasance.
The point is media is always being re-evaluated in the light of current events. Zippidy-do-da was once the unofficial theme song of Disney. Then, everyone suddenly realized that that movie is incredibly racist and now Disney has a hit out on anyone whose ever heard of Song of the South. The Terminator used to be a fun little action film, but it looks more prophetic every year. Manhattan used to be a lot funnier before Woody Allen married his ex-wife's adopted daughter making the borderline illegal relationship in the film look too real for comfort. New meanings are found, old meanings are lost. Such is the way of things. Commentary is ephemeral and can only be viewed in the perspective of the moment. In other words, if you disagree with a No Spoiler Tags post, it was brilliant yesterday.
The Last Airbender- The Book of Earth (Part 3 of 4)
Avatar: The Last Airbender was one of the best animated series of all time. Its three season run frequently bordered on perfection. The Last Airbender, M. Night Shyamalan's adaptation of season one, fell far short of that standard. In honor of the spin-off series, Legend of Korra, set to premiere in November, No Spoiler Tags presents this four part weekly series examining the Avatar movie series we deserved but did not and probably never will see.
In part one, we talk about some of the bigger mistakes Shyamalan made (there are far too many to mention them all and they have been well documented on other sites) and discuss how I would have done a Avatar movie series on a thematic level. Parts two through four are plot outlines for the three movies.
The second season of Avatar was the best of the series. Late in the first season, the writers really caught on that it was the ongoing plot that drove the series forward and when the second season began they clearly had a plan for the rest of the series. So of course, I am going to change it completely. It can't be helped, some things that work great on TV don't work in the movies and vise versa. The first half of the season will be chopped up and scrambled beyond recognition, but I will try to be as loyal as possible after we reach the library.
Zuko Plotline- Zuko and Iroh reach the Earth Kingdom. Azula shows up with Mai and Ty Lee and offers to take them home. (cut to Aang plot) Zuko and Iroh learn it's a trick and escape. Zuko, looking at his knife in the symbolic hair cutting scene, goes into his flashback from Zuko Alone. (cut to Aang plot) Zuko gets his training sequence from Bitter Work. (cut to Aang plot) Iroh contacts the White Lotus and they take the ferry to Ba Sing Se, meeting Jet on board. [This should put Iroh in the city about a month before Aang. It's always bugged me how quickly Iroh's tea catches on in the series. Another annoyance is that few people recognize Iroh, Zuko, and Aang despite all the wanted posters and very distinctive features. So there will be no wanted posters and more extras will have burn scars.] [Optional scene: When Iroh first sees Ba Sing Se, he flashes back to the siege and Lutan's death.] (Segment runs about 30 minutes)
Aang Plotline- They are still at the North Pole. One of the firebenders captured at the Spirit Oasis tells them the location of a buried library [heavy implication of torture]. Sokka convinces everyone to go there. (cut to Zuko plot) At their departure scene, they are told of a wealthy family, the Beifong's, on the way to the library which will give them fresh supplies. (cut to Zuko plot) Over dinner, the Beifong's break the news that Omashu has fallen and that the king surrendered without a fight. Azula shows up while they are at the Beifong house and Toph saves the day [surprising reveal as tiny, quiet, blind girl suddenly becomes boisterous, super-powerful earthbender]. After Azula leaves, Toph asks her father to go with Aang, he objects and she leaves anyway. Her father hires the bounty hunters. (Segment runs about 15 minutes)
The Library/The Desert- The Professor has been cut, but otherwise it should be a lot like the show. One of the books Katara reads from mentions a group of waterbenders living in a swamp. While they are in the desert, the Fire Nation discovers and destroys the ferry dock to Ba Sing Se. The Kyoshi Warriors are shown leading away a group of refugees. (Segment runs about 25 minutes)
Serpent's Pass- After getting out of the desert, Aang finally gets his training sequence from Bitter Work. The Kyoshi Warriors arrive just in time to see Aang finally move a rock and Suki exclaims "You're an earthbender!" Suki pleads for their help explaining that they are escorting a group of refuges to Ba Sing Se, but it's impossible to cross without an earth or water bender. [Toph: "I'm an earthbender." Katara: "And, I'm a waterbender." Aang: "I'm both...sort of."] On the way, the Sokka/Suki romance starts up. After crossing the pass, they encounter a high mountain chain. Suki states that they must go around it as the refugees can't make it over. Sokka states that it will take weeks to go around and stresses the importance of getting to Ba Sing Se quickly. Sokka and Suki share a passionate kiss as they agree to split up and meet again in the city. Shortly after the split, the Kyoshi Warriors run into the drill and are captured. Appa is barely visible flying through the background of this scene. (Segment runs about 30 minutes)
Ba Sing Se- Everything from The Drill on should be as loyal to the show as possible, but here are the changes. We will cut out Appa's Lost Days and Tales of Ba Sing Se. By the time we get back to Iroh and Zuko, they will have been off screen for about an hour and just about forgotten about. This should help with the idea that they are settling into their new lives. By the time they show up again, Iroh has already taken over tea making operations at the slum tea shop and Zuko is well aware that they are under surveillance from Jet. After finding out they will be stuck in the city for some time, Sokka convinces the rest of Team Avatar that he should be one to handle the search for Appa while the rest of the group focuses on training. He talks about how useless he is, that the most important thing is Aang's training, and at least this is something he can do to help. Later, the benders talk about how depressed Sokka is and decide the best thing for him is some training of his own. They hear about a great sword master and trick Sokka into going to him with a phony lead about Appa. Master Piandao agrees to teach Sokka swordsmanship and is later revealed to be from the Fire Nation. Piandao initiates Sokka into the White Lotus Society when he presents him with his space sword. Zuko is shown using a fireblast to open an entrance to the base at Lake Laogai. In the series, the Guru drops some very subtle hints about Energybending. I would make those less subtle. Iroh uses their connection to the White Lotus and his actions at the North Pole to gain Sokka's trust when he needs them to save Zuko. [The Chase was cut out so Toph can't be the one to trust Iroh first.] In the series, when Sokka and Toph go to warn the Earth King, Azula uses the Earth King as a hostage to force them to surrender. In my version, as soon as the Kyoshi Warriors are revealed as fakes, the Earth King says "I tol-" before being snuffed out by Azula. This sets off a fight in which Toph is beat thoroughly before they are imprisoned. [My biggest annoyance with the original series is that the Earth King never warns anyone that he let the invasion plan slip to Azula and the fact that Toph is the only major character to never lose a fight also bugs me. Both problems are solved by this scene.] (Segment run time about 1 hour and 30 minutes)
And that's my season two adaptation. I'm sure that many fans will hate that I took Piandao out of the Fire Nation, but I've got big changes planned for the first half of season three and the role of the White Lotus which necessitated the move and I think I gave the Kyoshi Warriors a better role than they played in the show. Stop back next week to find out how I would destroy season three.
In part one, we talk about some of the bigger mistakes Shyamalan made (there are far too many to mention them all and they have been well documented on other sites) and discuss how I would have done a Avatar movie series on a thematic level. Parts two through four are plot outlines for the three movies.
The second season of Avatar was the best of the series. Late in the first season, the writers really caught on that it was the ongoing plot that drove the series forward and when the second season began they clearly had a plan for the rest of the series. So of course, I am going to change it completely. It can't be helped, some things that work great on TV don't work in the movies and vise versa. The first half of the season will be chopped up and scrambled beyond recognition, but I will try to be as loyal as possible after we reach the library.
The Book of Earth (Run time: ~3 hours 10 minutes)
Zuko Plotline- Zuko and Iroh reach the Earth Kingdom. Azula shows up with Mai and Ty Lee and offers to take them home. (cut to Aang plot) Zuko and Iroh learn it's a trick and escape. Zuko, looking at his knife in the symbolic hair cutting scene, goes into his flashback from Zuko Alone. (cut to Aang plot) Zuko gets his training sequence from Bitter Work. (cut to Aang plot) Iroh contacts the White Lotus and they take the ferry to Ba Sing Se, meeting Jet on board. [This should put Iroh in the city about a month before Aang. It's always bugged me how quickly Iroh's tea catches on in the series. Another annoyance is that few people recognize Iroh, Zuko, and Aang despite all the wanted posters and very distinctive features. So there will be no wanted posters and more extras will have burn scars.] [Optional scene: When Iroh first sees Ba Sing Se, he flashes back to the siege and Lutan's death.] (Segment runs about 30 minutes)
Aang Plotline- They are still at the North Pole. One of the firebenders captured at the Spirit Oasis tells them the location of a buried library [heavy implication of torture]. Sokka convinces everyone to go there. (cut to Zuko plot) At their departure scene, they are told of a wealthy family, the Beifong's, on the way to the library which will give them fresh supplies. (cut to Zuko plot) Over dinner, the Beifong's break the news that Omashu has fallen and that the king surrendered without a fight. Azula shows up while they are at the Beifong house and Toph saves the day [surprising reveal as tiny, quiet, blind girl suddenly becomes boisterous, super-powerful earthbender]. After Azula leaves, Toph asks her father to go with Aang, he objects and she leaves anyway. Her father hires the bounty hunters. (Segment runs about 15 minutes)
The Library/The Desert- The Professor has been cut, but otherwise it should be a lot like the show. One of the books Katara reads from mentions a group of waterbenders living in a swamp. While they are in the desert, the Fire Nation discovers and destroys the ferry dock to Ba Sing Se. The Kyoshi Warriors are shown leading away a group of refugees. (Segment runs about 25 minutes)
Serpent's Pass- After getting out of the desert, Aang finally gets his training sequence from Bitter Work. The Kyoshi Warriors arrive just in time to see Aang finally move a rock and Suki exclaims "You're an earthbender!" Suki pleads for their help explaining that they are escorting a group of refuges to Ba Sing Se, but it's impossible to cross without an earth or water bender. [Toph: "I'm an earthbender." Katara: "And, I'm a waterbender." Aang: "I'm both...sort of."] On the way, the Sokka/Suki romance starts up. After crossing the pass, they encounter a high mountain chain. Suki states that they must go around it as the refugees can't make it over. Sokka states that it will take weeks to go around and stresses the importance of getting to Ba Sing Se quickly. Sokka and Suki share a passionate kiss as they agree to split up and meet again in the city. Shortly after the split, the Kyoshi Warriors run into the drill and are captured. Appa is barely visible flying through the background of this scene. (Segment runs about 30 minutes)
Ba Sing Se- Everything from The Drill on should be as loyal to the show as possible, but here are the changes. We will cut out Appa's Lost Days and Tales of Ba Sing Se. By the time we get back to Iroh and Zuko, they will have been off screen for about an hour and just about forgotten about. This should help with the idea that they are settling into their new lives. By the time they show up again, Iroh has already taken over tea making operations at the slum tea shop and Zuko is well aware that they are under surveillance from Jet. After finding out they will be stuck in the city for some time, Sokka convinces the rest of Team Avatar that he should be one to handle the search for Appa while the rest of the group focuses on training. He talks about how useless he is, that the most important thing is Aang's training, and at least this is something he can do to help. Later, the benders talk about how depressed Sokka is and decide the best thing for him is some training of his own. They hear about a great sword master and trick Sokka into going to him with a phony lead about Appa. Master Piandao agrees to teach Sokka swordsmanship and is later revealed to be from the Fire Nation. Piandao initiates Sokka into the White Lotus Society when he presents him with his space sword. Zuko is shown using a fireblast to open an entrance to the base at Lake Laogai. In the series, the Guru drops some very subtle hints about Energybending. I would make those less subtle. Iroh uses their connection to the White Lotus and his actions at the North Pole to gain Sokka's trust when he needs them to save Zuko. [The Chase was cut out so Toph can't be the one to trust Iroh first.] In the series, when Sokka and Toph go to warn the Earth King, Azula uses the Earth King as a hostage to force them to surrender. In my version, as soon as the Kyoshi Warriors are revealed as fakes, the Earth King says "I tol-" before being snuffed out by Azula. This sets off a fight in which Toph is beat thoroughly before they are imprisoned. [My biggest annoyance with the original series is that the Earth King never warns anyone that he let the invasion plan slip to Azula and the fact that Toph is the only major character to never lose a fight also bugs me. Both problems are solved by this scene.] (Segment run time about 1 hour and 30 minutes)
And that's my season two adaptation. I'm sure that many fans will hate that I took Piandao out of the Fire Nation, but I've got big changes planned for the first half of season three and the role of the White Lotus which necessitated the move and I think I gave the Kyoshi Warriors a better role than they played in the show. Stop back next week to find out how I would destroy season three.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
50/50- Cancer Doesn't Make You Special
I felt that 50/50 was an appropriate name for this film as half of the leads in this movie, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, are terrific actors and half, Seth Rogen, are supposed comedians who have never and will never said or done anything funny. (Somehow, it always surprises me that Tommy from 3rd Rock from the Sun has turned into such a quality performer, but it really shouldn't as he stole every scene in that show from another surprisingly talented actor in John Lithgow.) I delayed going to see this for several weeks fearing that the Seth/Joseph ratio would be 50/50 or greater, luckily it was about 20/80. And little Tommy turns in an admirable performance as a young man dealing with the possibility of his imminent death. Calling this movie a comedy is a bit if a stretch, but it works very well as a drama. If I have any complaint about this movie, it's that it steals a lot thematically from another good-but-not-really-funny Seth Rogen vehicle, Funny People. (There is no accusation of plagiarism here. The two movies are completely different, but it's hard not to notice when the same actor takes on a very similar role.)
I'm tired of politicians, the news media, and Lance Armstrong talking about cancer as an "epidemic" like it's some newfangled modern day plague. Saying cancer rates are on the rise may be factually correct, but it ignores the factor most commonly linked to cancer: age. Some things, like radiation and smoking, have been conclusively linked to cancer, but when they start reporting that barbeque is the world's tastiest carcinogen, I start getting a little skeptical. Ribs don't cause cancer, life does. More people are getting cancer now because they're not dying from dysentery, because less people are dying from heart attacks. not because of some fundamental change in the environment. It is my opinion that everyone gets cancer at least once in their life and if they don't it's just because they died of something else first. Everyone knows someone who has cancer, who's survived cancer, who's died from cancer and many have had it themselves. You are not special. Sure, cancer sucks and it really sucks when it's your turn to deal with it, but that makes you normal, not special. Cancer should not be feared. It represents the inevitability of death which saves us from the nightmare that is immortality.
I bring all of this up not just to be a dick (although that's definitely part of it), but because the unspecialness of cancer is a major theme of the film. Joseph's character, Adam, spends most of the movie dealing relationships with women, friends and family, rather than cancer. Sure, all of his relationships are affected by the disease, but they aren't defined by it. Kyle, who was a good friend before the cancer, remains a good friend after. Rachel, who was a bad girlfriend before the cancer, remains a bad girlfriend (then an ex-girlfriend) after. Adam is told at one point that having cancer is no excuse to be a dick to his mother. Adam's mother asks for the AC to be turned down because her son has cancer to which the nurse replies with a look that says, "This is an oncology ward. Everyone has cancer." All of this combines to paint a portrait of what it really means to live with cancer.
Now for a reality fact-check, ultra-hot therapist-in-training Katherine lost her job. The first rule in the psychiatric community is you can't have sex with a patient. In fact, it's legally considered rape if you do. It doesn't matter if Adam stopped being her patient before they started dating, it's still an inappropriate relationship. As soon as their relationship began to turn romantic, she needed to drop him as a patient or steer them back towards a professional relationship. Allowing herself to get pulled into a romantic relationship with a patient is a serious breach of medical ethics which will almost certainly turn out badly for her.
I'm tired of politicians, the news media, and Lance Armstrong talking about cancer as an "epidemic" like it's some newfangled modern day plague. Saying cancer rates are on the rise may be factually correct, but it ignores the factor most commonly linked to cancer: age. Some things, like radiation and smoking, have been conclusively linked to cancer, but when they start reporting that barbeque is the world's tastiest carcinogen, I start getting a little skeptical. Ribs don't cause cancer, life does. More people are getting cancer now because they're not dying from dysentery, because less people are dying from heart attacks. not because of some fundamental change in the environment. It is my opinion that everyone gets cancer at least once in their life and if they don't it's just because they died of something else first. Everyone knows someone who has cancer, who's survived cancer, who's died from cancer and many have had it themselves. You are not special. Sure, cancer sucks and it really sucks when it's your turn to deal with it, but that makes you normal, not special. Cancer should not be feared. It represents the inevitability of death which saves us from the nightmare that is immortality.
Now for a reality fact-check, ultra-hot therapist-in-training Katherine lost her job. The first rule in the psychiatric community is you can't have sex with a patient. In fact, it's legally considered rape if you do. It doesn't matter if Adam stopped being her patient before they started dating, it's still an inappropriate relationship. As soon as their relationship began to turn romantic, she needed to drop him as a patient or steer them back towards a professional relationship. Allowing herself to get pulled into a romantic relationship with a patient is a serious breach of medical ethics which will almost certainly turn out badly for her.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
The Last Airbender- The Book of Water (Part 2 of 4)
Avatar: The Last Airbender was one of the best animated series of all time. Its three season run frequently bordered on perfection. The Last Airbender, M. Night Shyamalan's adaptation of season one, fell far short of that standard. In honor of the spin-off series, Legend of Korra, set to premiere in November, No Spoiler Tags presents this four part weekly series examining the Avatar movie series we deserved but did not and probably never will see.
In part one, we talk about some of the bigger mistakes Shyamalan made (there are far too many to mention them all and they have been well documented on other sites) and discuss how I would have done a Avatar movie series on a thematic level. Parts two through four are plot outlines for the three movies. Many of the ideas for my adaptation were inspired by jokes in Avatar: The Abridged Series which is a hilarious version of season one.
Pilot- Animated introduction similar the one on the pilot episode of the show. (One of the few parts I thought Shyamalan got right in the movie was adapting the base plot of the pilot episode [the execution was terrible, but the plot was right], so we will be following the movie version of the pilot.) Sokka and Katara find Aang. Zuko sees the light and goes to the village, gathers up the elderly and sees Aang's tattoos in the process. He proceeds to threaten the village it convince Aang to get on his ship. Once onboard, Zuko reveals that he knows that Aang is the Avatar. Back at the village, Sokka, Katara and Gran-Gran suspect that Aang is the Avatar and the kids chose to go on the rescue mission. Aang breaks out without using the Avatar state and leaves with Sokka and Katara. Katara asks if Aang is the Avatar and why he concealed that fact. Aang's line, "Because I never wanted to be," is the segway into Aang's flashback from The Storm. Aang runs away because he cannot handle the pressure of being the Avatar instead of the childish reason given in the show. (Segment runs about 30 minutes)
Southern Air Temple- The Zuko plotline should be taken nearly word for word from the show, but when Iroh mentions the last time Zuko dueled a master we segway into Zuko's flashback from The Storm. Aang meets with Roku who proceeds to give us a massive exposition dump about the Avatar cycle, the Avatar state ("The Avatar state is one of pure energy. It cannot be controlled until you master the energy within yourself and that is far more difficult to master than all the elements combined. Do not even try for now. When you are ready, a guide will appear to help you."), the order he must learn the elements and Sozin's comet. Aang finds the bodies of dead monks and flies into an Avatar state rage alerting the world to his return. (Segment runs about 30 minutes)
The Blue Spirit- (The Blue Spirit and Jet are both very good and important episodes to the through-going plot of the series; however, The Blue Spirit does not work if Sokka or Katara know what's happening and Aang acts very out of character in Jet. We will solve this by running these two plots concurrently.) Aang is overwhelmed by being asked to learn the elements and save the world in less than a year and asks for sometime alone and the group agrees to meet up again in one week. Shortly after splitting up Aang is ambushed and captured by Zhao. Zuko comes to the rescue. (Segment run time about 15 minutes)
Jet- At the first dinner with Jet's gang, Sokka presses Jet for information about the state of the world. Jet states that Omashu, Ba Sing Se, and the Northern Water Tribe are still strongholds of freedom, but the rest of the world is essentially under Fire Nation control. The war had been a stalemate for decades until about 15 years ago when the Fire Nation started getting a lot of new technologies. One of the kids mentions a legend that there are still a group of airbenders at the Northern Air Temple. Otherwise as in the show. (Segment run time about 15 minutes)
The Northern Air Temple- This segment runs basically the same as the show. Schematics for drill, tanks and other Fire Nation weapons partially hidden and briefly shown. (Segment run time about 15 minutes)
The Waterbending Master and The Siege of the North- The Pakku was engaged to Gran-Gran reveal needs to be cut. It requires throwing a lot of exposition at the auidence and this movie is already exposition heavy. Katara learns of her healing ability when she is denied combat training. Katara's healing instructor cautions Katara that while she can heal burns and cuts it won't work on blunt force trauma. (This clears up several inconsistencies with Katara's healing abilty, especially why she doesn't use the spirit water on Jet.) Katara convences Pakku to train her by fighting him. More time should be spent developing the Yue/Sokka relationship. Iroh is asked to join Zhao's fleet and smuggles Zuko onboard. (Zuko isn't blown up.) As in the movie, Zuko should keep Aang in the city, so he doesn't look quite so stupid. War balloons are used. One or more of the firebenders at the Spirit Oasis should be captured. Otherwise the story proceeds as in the show. (Segment runs about 1 hour)
So there it is, a proper outline for a movie adaptation of the first season of Avatar. I had to cut out a lot, but I didn't change much. Check back next week as thing really start to change in season two and in two weeks when I mutilate season three.
In part one, we talk about some of the bigger mistakes Shyamalan made (there are far too many to mention them all and they have been well documented on other sites) and discuss how I would have done a Avatar movie series on a thematic level. Parts two through four are plot outlines for the three movies. Many of the ideas for my adaptation were inspired by jokes in Avatar: The Abridged Series which is a hilarious version of season one.
The Book of Water (Run time: ~2 hour 45 minutes)
Pilot- Animated introduction similar the one on the pilot episode of the show. (One of the few parts I thought Shyamalan got right in the movie was adapting the base plot of the pilot episode [the execution was terrible, but the plot was right], so we will be following the movie version of the pilot.) Sokka and Katara find Aang. Zuko sees the light and goes to the village, gathers up the elderly and sees Aang's tattoos in the process. He proceeds to threaten the village it convince Aang to get on his ship. Once onboard, Zuko reveals that he knows that Aang is the Avatar. Back at the village, Sokka, Katara and Gran-Gran suspect that Aang is the Avatar and the kids chose to go on the rescue mission. Aang breaks out without using the Avatar state and leaves with Sokka and Katara. Katara asks if Aang is the Avatar and why he concealed that fact. Aang's line, "Because I never wanted to be," is the segway into Aang's flashback from The Storm. Aang runs away because he cannot handle the pressure of being the Avatar instead of the childish reason given in the show. (Segment runs about 30 minutes)
Southern Air Temple- The Zuko plotline should be taken nearly word for word from the show, but when Iroh mentions the last time Zuko dueled a master we segway into Zuko's flashback from The Storm. Aang meets with Roku who proceeds to give us a massive exposition dump about the Avatar cycle, the Avatar state ("The Avatar state is one of pure energy. It cannot be controlled until you master the energy within yourself and that is far more difficult to master than all the elements combined. Do not even try for now. When you are ready, a guide will appear to help you."), the order he must learn the elements and Sozin's comet. Aang finds the bodies of dead monks and flies into an Avatar state rage alerting the world to his return. (Segment runs about 30 minutes)
The Blue Spirit- (The Blue Spirit and Jet are both very good and important episodes to the through-going plot of the series; however, The Blue Spirit does not work if Sokka or Katara know what's happening and Aang acts very out of character in Jet. We will solve this by running these two plots concurrently.) Aang is overwhelmed by being asked to learn the elements and save the world in less than a year and asks for sometime alone and the group agrees to meet up again in one week. Shortly after splitting up Aang is ambushed and captured by Zhao. Zuko comes to the rescue. (Segment run time about 15 minutes)
Jet- At the first dinner with Jet's gang, Sokka presses Jet for information about the state of the world. Jet states that Omashu, Ba Sing Se, and the Northern Water Tribe are still strongholds of freedom, but the rest of the world is essentially under Fire Nation control. The war had been a stalemate for decades until about 15 years ago when the Fire Nation started getting a lot of new technologies. One of the kids mentions a legend that there are still a group of airbenders at the Northern Air Temple. Otherwise as in the show. (Segment run time about 15 minutes)
The Northern Air Temple- This segment runs basically the same as the show. Schematics for drill, tanks and other Fire Nation weapons partially hidden and briefly shown. (Segment run time about 15 minutes)
The Waterbending Master and The Siege of the North- The Pakku was engaged to Gran-Gran reveal needs to be cut. It requires throwing a lot of exposition at the auidence and this movie is already exposition heavy. Katara learns of her healing ability when she is denied combat training. Katara's healing instructor cautions Katara that while she can heal burns and cuts it won't work on blunt force trauma. (This clears up several inconsistencies with Katara's healing abilty, especially why she doesn't use the spirit water on Jet.) Katara convences Pakku to train her by fighting him. More time should be spent developing the Yue/Sokka relationship. Iroh is asked to join Zhao's fleet and smuggles Zuko onboard. (Zuko isn't blown up.) As in the movie, Zuko should keep Aang in the city, so he doesn't look quite so stupid. War balloons are used. One or more of the firebenders at the Spirit Oasis should be captured. Otherwise the story proceeds as in the show. (Segment runs about 1 hour)
So there it is, a proper outline for a movie adaptation of the first season of Avatar. I had to cut out a lot, but I didn't change much. Check back next week as thing really start to change in season two and in two weeks when I mutilate season three.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
The Ides of March- No Spoiler Tags Supports Pullman
The Ides of March is a quality political thriller about a man's transition from idealistic human being into a politician. It features a series of shady backroom dealings meant to undermine the integrity of our democracy and manipulate the voting population for reasons unconnected to actual policy decisions. The film goes a long way to explaining why American-style political parties are inherently evil and why we will never be able to move forward as a country as long as they exist, but that is a topic for another day. We are going to talk about the ridiculousness of two of Morris's campaign promises and how one of them should have ensured his unelectability.
In one speech, Morris makes the promise that ten years after he is inaugurated no new vehicle will have an internal combustion engine. While I fully support transitioning away from fossil fuels, from a engineering and logistical prospective a ten year time frame is laughably ridiculous. I would like to see the implementation of the Pickens Plan (even if Pickens himself has sort of given up on it). It seems like a reasonable and practical plan to move to only North American oil and cleaner burning natural gas. We need to use natural gas as a transitional fuel to an all renewable future. The simple fact is we are at the beginning of what will be a 50-100 year transition assuming we have the political will to start immediately and continue on that course. And here's why...
First of all shortly after Morris announces the end of the internal combustion engine, he makes a comment about hydrogen fuel, as if that was the solution to the problem. Unfortunately, hydrogen is a battery, not a fuel. Hydrogen has to be produced by using electricity to separate water into hydrogen and oxygen meaning that hydrogen takes more energy to make than it produces. It's called entropy people, look it up. And while we're on the topic, this is also why any biofuel that is not made from a waste product is a terrible idea. (I'm looking at you corn-based ethanol.)
So between hydrogen electrolysis plants and plug-in electric vehicles, we are talking about a enormous additional load on an already overtaxed electrical grid which means building hundreds of new power plants and upgrading millions of miles of power lines. What kind of plants will we build? Coal or natural gas would be the most likely and practical, but wouldn't quite fit in with the goal of the initiative. Nuclear? Public opinion was almost ready to accept it again, but Japan has taken care of that. Wind or Solar? Both have huge reliability and distribution issues which will never be solved. One day, we could build an all renewable energy system based on wind, distributed solar and biofuel from waste, but that day is a long way off and is certainly not happening in ten years.
And, all of these electric cars and renewable fuel power plants need batteries. Big, expensive, full of heavy metals, lithium-based batteries. And in both an actual and a relative sense, the world's lithium supply is much less than the world remaining oil supply. More batteries also means more of a demand for Rare Earth Elements which are unsurprisingly rare and the supply is controlled by China.
Additionally, there is not currently an electric engine which can practically move an 18-wheeler. Sorry, it just doesn't exist. The size and weight of the necessary engine and batteries makes it unlikely to ever exist. I want my fictional president to understand these kinds of energy issues and that comment shows that Morris does not.
Now, let's move on to the absolutely insane promise. Stephen convinces Morris to run on a position that everyone should be required to join the military or the Peace Corps when they turn 18. I fully support government mandated healthcare. I'd love to see a single payer system, but requiring two years of everyone's life goes way to far in intruding into the lives of private citizens. Stephen sells this plan as a surefire vote-getter with no possible way of backfiring proving that he is terrible at his job. Stephen says "Everyone over 18 will be for it and everyone under 18 can't vote." What Stephen seems to forget is that many people over 18 have children and parents tend to object when their kids are sold into slavery.
What part of promising to bringing back indentured servitude is a brilliant political strategy? I mean even if he wins the primary how is he going to win a general election? Republicans convinced a third of the country that if the government required everyone to have health insurance that couldn't be denied based on pre-existing conditions that Barack Obama would personally stab every grandmother in the county to death. They would salivate at an opportunity to run against a guy who is actually suggesting bringing back the draft for no particular reason. I'm picturing hundreds of political cartoons depicting Morris cracking a whip aboard a slave ship and they wouldn't even be that hyperbolic. Remember a vote for Morris is a vote for child slavery.
Based on Governor Morris's poor understanding of energy policy and frightening assault on civil liberties, No Spoiler Tags endorses Senator Pullman for the Democratic nomination for fictional President of the United States of America.
In one speech, Morris makes the promise that ten years after he is inaugurated no new vehicle will have an internal combustion engine. While I fully support transitioning away from fossil fuels, from a engineering and logistical prospective a ten year time frame is laughably ridiculous. I would like to see the implementation of the Pickens Plan (even if Pickens himself has sort of given up on it). It seems like a reasonable and practical plan to move to only North American oil and cleaner burning natural gas. We need to use natural gas as a transitional fuel to an all renewable future. The simple fact is we are at the beginning of what will be a 50-100 year transition assuming we have the political will to start immediately and continue on that course. And here's why...
First of all shortly after Morris announces the end of the internal combustion engine, he makes a comment about hydrogen fuel, as if that was the solution to the problem. Unfortunately, hydrogen is a battery, not a fuel. Hydrogen has to be produced by using electricity to separate water into hydrogen and oxygen meaning that hydrogen takes more energy to make than it produces. It's called entropy people, look it up. And while we're on the topic, this is also why any biofuel that is not made from a waste product is a terrible idea. (I'm looking at you corn-based ethanol.)
So between hydrogen electrolysis plants and plug-in electric vehicles, we are talking about a enormous additional load on an already overtaxed electrical grid which means building hundreds of new power plants and upgrading millions of miles of power lines. What kind of plants will we build? Coal or natural gas would be the most likely and practical, but wouldn't quite fit in with the goal of the initiative. Nuclear? Public opinion was almost ready to accept it again, but Japan has taken care of that. Wind or Solar? Both have huge reliability and distribution issues which will never be solved. One day, we could build an all renewable energy system based on wind, distributed solar and biofuel from waste, but that day is a long way off and is certainly not happening in ten years.
And, all of these electric cars and renewable fuel power plants need batteries. Big, expensive, full of heavy metals, lithium-based batteries. And in both an actual and a relative sense, the world's lithium supply is much less than the world remaining oil supply. More batteries also means more of a demand for Rare Earth Elements which are unsurprisingly rare and the supply is controlled by China.
Additionally, there is not currently an electric engine which can practically move an 18-wheeler. Sorry, it just doesn't exist. The size and weight of the necessary engine and batteries makes it unlikely to ever exist. I want my fictional president to understand these kinds of energy issues and that comment shows that Morris does not.
Now, let's move on to the absolutely insane promise. Stephen convinces Morris to run on a position that everyone should be required to join the military or the Peace Corps when they turn 18. I fully support government mandated healthcare. I'd love to see a single payer system, but requiring two years of everyone's life goes way to far in intruding into the lives of private citizens. Stephen sells this plan as a surefire vote-getter with no possible way of backfiring proving that he is terrible at his job. Stephen says "Everyone over 18 will be for it and everyone under 18 can't vote." What Stephen seems to forget is that many people over 18 have children and parents tend to object when their kids are sold into slavery.
What part of promising to bringing back indentured servitude is a brilliant political strategy? I mean even if he wins the primary how is he going to win a general election? Republicans convinced a third of the country that if the government required everyone to have health insurance that couldn't be denied based on pre-existing conditions that Barack Obama would personally stab every grandmother in the county to death. They would salivate at an opportunity to run against a guy who is actually suggesting bringing back the draft for no particular reason. I'm picturing hundreds of political cartoons depicting Morris cracking a whip aboard a slave ship and they wouldn't even be that hyperbolic. Remember a vote for Morris is a vote for child slavery.
Based on Governor Morris's poor understanding of energy policy and frightening assault on civil liberties, No Spoiler Tags endorses Senator Pullman for the Democratic nomination for fictional President of the United States of America.
Horrible Bosses- Murder Makes Everything Better
Horrible Bosses is a movie about three people who have bosses who are less than desirable in their chosen managerial styles. The economy is terrible and they face a prolonged period of unemployment should they choose to quit. Dale, Charlie Day's character, has an additional problem which we will discuss in more detail later on. To remedy the situation, our protagonists come to the logical conclusion that they must murder their employers. Wait a minute...that's not logical at all. That's incredibly stupid. See, murder is currently illegal in this country and is generally considered unethical. I know stupid, Puritanical lawmakers, but in this day and age you can still go to jail for stabbing a man to death unless you have had a successful career in professional football.
None of the protagonists really wants their boss dead. They just want to stop being jerks or failing that to no longer be their employers. The best play for Jason Bateman's character, Nick, and Jason Sudeikis's character, Kurt, is to get their bosses fired or maybe even arrested. And they had many excellent opportunities to do so.
Kurt likes his boss, but he doesn't survive 10 minutes of the film and the board of directors chooses the boss' son his successor. Kurt's new boss does not perform his duties well in large part do to his cocaine habit which he his known to indulge in on company premisses. Much like murder, cocaine is illegal and most employers frown on its use by employees, especially on duty. Most employment contracts include a clause that gives companies the right to terminate employees for drug use and to test employees who are suspected of using. Simply informing the board of his boss' activities, especially if he can provide proof, should be enough for Kurt to ensure his boss' termination.
Kurt's boss wants to fire all his overweight or handicapped employees. This is called wrongful termination. It is illegal and excellent grounds for a lawsuit which would lead to his termination. This gives Kurt two non-murder solutions without doing anything illegal or even unethical.
During the research phase of their murder plot, the main characters break into Kurt's boss' house and find a large quantity of cocaine. Again this would be an excellent opportunity for them to simply leave, inform the police and have Kurt's boss arrested. Even if he does not go to jail, he will certainly be fired.
Nick's problem is a bit more difficult as nothing Nick's boss had done before they agreed to kill him, while incredibly jackassish, could get him fired or arrested. However, after breaking into Kurt's boss' house, they proceed to break into Nick's boss' house. This would be an excellent opportunity to plant something illegal in his house, say a large quantity of cocaine (I wonder where they could have gotten that.), and notify the police.
But, Dale's decision to join in on the murder scheme was the most baffling of all. Because not only should he not want his boss dead, she is the only only person who would employe him as Dale points out in the film. See, Dale is a full-time dental assistant and a part-time registered sex offender and Julia (Jennifer Aniston) is a private practice dentist. If Dale worked at one of those chains of dental offices or in an office with multiple dentists, he might want to kill her. However, Julia is clearly the only one making or reviewing hiring decisions at her practice as no one is going to hire a registered sex offender for a job that involves drugging kids into unconsciousness. Dental practices without a dentist are called empty buildings. So should Julia stop being his boss for any reason, like being murdered, Dale faces permanent unemployment, just as if he quit.
Julia uses the knowledge of Dale's sex offender status to get away with sexually abusing and harassing both Dale and her patients. Normally, that would be grounds for suing and/or arresting her, however, as stated above, either a lawsuit or an arrest would result in Dale's permanent unemployment. Plus, he would have to deal with the social stigma of being a man claiming to be sexually harassed by an extremely attractive woman and that pesky sex offender thing eroding his credibility.
Ultimately, the only possible solution to Dale's problem is a M.A.D. (Mutual Assured Destruction) one and the one arrived at in the film. Dale gathers proof of Julia harassing a patient and uses it to blackmail her into better behavior. They are stuck with each other, after all, Julia has more to lose if Dale notifies the police.
All that is to say, please think out your murder plots beforehand. Killing someone might not be the best solution to your problem and, in some cases, it might even make things worse.
None of the protagonists really wants their boss dead. They just want to stop being jerks or failing that to no longer be their employers. The best play for Jason Bateman's character, Nick, and Jason Sudeikis's character, Kurt, is to get their bosses fired or maybe even arrested. And they had many excellent opportunities to do so.
Kurt likes his boss, but he doesn't survive 10 minutes of the film and the board of directors chooses the boss' son his successor. Kurt's new boss does not perform his duties well in large part do to his cocaine habit which he his known to indulge in on company premisses. Much like murder, cocaine is illegal and most employers frown on its use by employees, especially on duty. Most employment contracts include a clause that gives companies the right to terminate employees for drug use and to test employees who are suspected of using. Simply informing the board of his boss' activities, especially if he can provide proof, should be enough for Kurt to ensure his boss' termination.
Kurt's boss wants to fire all his overweight or handicapped employees. This is called wrongful termination. It is illegal and excellent grounds for a lawsuit which would lead to his termination. This gives Kurt two non-murder solutions without doing anything illegal or even unethical.
During the research phase of their murder plot, the main characters break into Kurt's boss' house and find a large quantity of cocaine. Again this would be an excellent opportunity for them to simply leave, inform the police and have Kurt's boss arrested. Even if he does not go to jail, he will certainly be fired.
Nick's problem is a bit more difficult as nothing Nick's boss had done before they agreed to kill him, while incredibly jackassish, could get him fired or arrested. However, after breaking into Kurt's boss' house, they proceed to break into Nick's boss' house. This would be an excellent opportunity to plant something illegal in his house, say a large quantity of cocaine (I wonder where they could have gotten that.), and notify the police.
But, Dale's decision to join in on the murder scheme was the most baffling of all. Because not only should he not want his boss dead, she is the only only person who would employe him as Dale points out in the film. See, Dale is a full-time dental assistant and a part-time registered sex offender and Julia (Jennifer Aniston) is a private practice dentist. If Dale worked at one of those chains of dental offices or in an office with multiple dentists, he might want to kill her. However, Julia is clearly the only one making or reviewing hiring decisions at her practice as no one is going to hire a registered sex offender for a job that involves drugging kids into unconsciousness. Dental practices without a dentist are called empty buildings. So should Julia stop being his boss for any reason, like being murdered, Dale faces permanent unemployment, just as if he quit.
Julia uses the knowledge of Dale's sex offender status to get away with sexually abusing and harassing both Dale and her patients. Normally, that would be grounds for suing and/or arresting her, however, as stated above, either a lawsuit or an arrest would result in Dale's permanent unemployment. Plus, he would have to deal with the social stigma of being a man claiming to be sexually harassed by an extremely attractive woman and that pesky sex offender thing eroding his credibility.
Ultimately, the only possible solution to Dale's problem is a M.A.D. (Mutual Assured Destruction) one and the one arrived at in the film. Dale gathers proof of Julia harassing a patient and uses it to blackmail her into better behavior. They are stuck with each other, after all, Julia has more to lose if Dale notifies the police.
All that is to say, please think out your murder plots beforehand. Killing someone might not be the best solution to your problem and, in some cases, it might even make things worse.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Star Wars- Obi-Wan, Why Didn't You Tell Me?
Star Wars, if you are an American older than ten who has not seen this movie and its two sequels, your citizenship should be instantly revoked. If you have ever called this movie A New Hope, you are no longer welcome on my site. And if you think Greedo shot first, your education has been woefully insufficient.
This post is about a curious decision by Obi-Wan Kenobi not to reveal a certain relationship in the Skywalker family before he died. No, not that familial relationship. If you're training someone to kill someone, it's best not to mention that the target is their father. That's just common sense. I'm talking about the fact that Luke and Leia are siblings.
Luke's first reaction when he sees the recording on R2-D2 is one of pure lust. Eventually, he realizes she is actually speaking and starts trying to find Obi-Wan. But clearly when Luke agrees to go to Alderaan, it is with high hopes of scoring some hot princess tail with some secondary motivations about freeing the galaxy from evil and oppression and avenging the murder of his entire family.
Here is how that scene at Obi-Wan's place should have gone:
Obi-Wan: The Emperor knew that if Anakin ever had children they would be powerful in the ways of the Force, so you and your twin sister were split up and hidden from him.
Luke: I have a sister?
Obi-Wan: Yeah, she's the hot chick on the recording.
Luke: Thanks for the heads up. That could have been really awkward. I was masturbating to "You're my only hope," all night.
See, incest prevented and no awkward daddy questions. And now Luke isn't some horny teenager chasing after some girl he saw on some blurry hologram, he's a man facing insurmountable odds to save the last member of his family (as far as he knows).
As far as we know, Luke and Leia never had sex, but looking at the deleted scenes on the Blu-ray release, I think Luke made out with Leia more times than Han. Leia looked like she was really into Luke in the first (not fourth) film and we all know that if a man saves a woman's life she is legally obligated to have sex with him. It's movie law. Luckily, no woman can resist the kind of man who shoots first and doesn't ask questions later, so Han had to be the inevitable winner in this contest, but Luke was definitely in the running for awhile after rescuing her and blowing up the Death Star.
Perhaps the oddest part about the Star Wars incest subplot, is on Endor when Luke tells Leia that they're related and she responds, "I knew it. Somehow, I've always known." Afterward, there's no awkward moment when they acknowledge the fact they made out multiple times and agree to never mention it again. Han doesn't tease them later about that time on Hoth. If Vader senses that his kids had the hots for each other when he senses that they're siblings, he doesn't let on. No one is creeped out by the revelation in any way. Apparently, incest is generally accepted in a galaxy far, far away.
This post is about a curious decision by Obi-Wan Kenobi not to reveal a certain relationship in the Skywalker family before he died. No, not that familial relationship. If you're training someone to kill someone, it's best not to mention that the target is their father. That's just common sense. I'm talking about the fact that Luke and Leia are siblings.
Luke's first reaction when he sees the recording on R2-D2 is one of pure lust. Eventually, he realizes she is actually speaking and starts trying to find Obi-Wan. But clearly when Luke agrees to go to Alderaan, it is with high hopes of scoring some hot princess tail with some secondary motivations about freeing the galaxy from evil and oppression and avenging the murder of his entire family.
Here is how that scene at Obi-Wan's place should have gone:
Obi-Wan: The Emperor knew that if Anakin ever had children they would be powerful in the ways of the Force, so you and your twin sister were split up and hidden from him.
Luke: I have a sister?
Obi-Wan: Yeah, she's the hot chick on the recording.
Luke: Thanks for the heads up. That could have been really awkward. I was masturbating to "You're my only hope," all night.
See, incest prevented and no awkward daddy questions. And now Luke isn't some horny teenager chasing after some girl he saw on some blurry hologram, he's a man facing insurmountable odds to save the last member of his family (as far as he knows).
As far as we know, Luke and Leia never had sex, but looking at the deleted scenes on the Blu-ray release, I think Luke made out with Leia more times than Han. Leia looked like she was really into Luke in the first (not fourth) film and we all know that if a man saves a woman's life she is legally obligated to have sex with him. It's movie law. Luckily, no woman can resist the kind of man who shoots first and doesn't ask questions later, so Han had to be the inevitable winner in this contest, but Luke was definitely in the running for awhile after rescuing her and blowing up the Death Star.
Perhaps the oddest part about the Star Wars incest subplot, is on Endor when Luke tells Leia that they're related and she responds, "I knew it. Somehow, I've always known." Afterward, there's no awkward moment when they acknowledge the fact they made out multiple times and agree to never mention it again. Han doesn't tease them later about that time on Hoth. If Vader senses that his kids had the hots for each other when he senses that they're siblings, he doesn't let on. No one is creeped out by the revelation in any way. Apparently, incest is generally accepted in a galaxy far, far away.
Tron- Please Enter Password
Frequently, movies do something I call a generic non-realism. These are things like calling a 555 number or ordering Beer brand beer. Generic non-realisms are meant to avoid litigation, but they are a reminder that you are watching a movie and have the unfortunate effect of ruining the suspension of disbelief. As such a filmmaker should try to avoid generic non-realisms at all costs. Now, if you give out phone number, say 867-5309, people will call it a say stupid things like, "Jenny, I got your number. I'm going to make you mine," and it's courteous to avoid that. However, using the name of a real product is a situation where product placement can actually make a movie better, assuming it's just a name drop and not a sales pitch. Hand the phone number over on a slip of paper, make up a product name, or say "I'll have whatever's on tap," a clever writer should never have to use a generic non-realism.
Generally, generic non-realisms are just annoying. Tron has a generic non-realism so bad that it compromises the entire premise of the movie.
Early on we are told and shown that our heroes, Flynn and Alan, are talented programmers and hackers who must hack into the Master Control Program of a multi-billion dollar company. Unfortunately, we are also shown our villain, Dillinger, entering the master password to the Master Control Program. So, what is the master password to the Master Control Program? (Hint: It was used 5 times in this paragraph.)
Answer: Master
Yep, that's right. The master password to the Master Control Program at this multi-billion dollar super-high tech electronic company is master. They had to change it from password when they accidentally bought a giant neon sign that said, "ENCOM: Our password is password." It's hard to take our heroes hacking skills seriously when they are up against President Skroob level security.
And yet, our heroes are stymied. Before the movie began, Flynn had been trying to get in for weeks and Alan had built his sophisticated program, Tron. And yet, it took the Master Control Program scanning Flynn in before they were able to circumvent all this security. Apparently, they never learned advanced hacking techniques like asking, "Hey, Dillinger, what's your password?" or looking at the sheet of paper on his desk labeled password.
It might not have been so bad if the movie didn't also show Alan entering his password/my new band name, Reindeer Flotilla, a perfectly fine choice for the time. The intention might have been to indicate how much smarter/talented/sophisticated the heroes are than Dillinger, but it just further demonstrates why hacking in shouldn't have been much of a problem for them.
The moral of the story is if at any point while reading this you said, "I have the same password on my _____," it's time to change it.
Generally, generic non-realisms are just annoying. Tron has a generic non-realism so bad that it compromises the entire premise of the movie.
Early on we are told and shown that our heroes, Flynn and Alan, are talented programmers and hackers who must hack into the Master Control Program of a multi-billion dollar company. Unfortunately, we are also shown our villain, Dillinger, entering the master password to the Master Control Program. So, what is the master password to the Master Control Program? (Hint: It was used 5 times in this paragraph.)
Answer: Master
Yep, that's right. The master password to the Master Control Program at this multi-billion dollar super-high tech electronic company is master. They had to change it from password when they accidentally bought a giant neon sign that said, "ENCOM: Our password is password." It's hard to take our heroes hacking skills seriously when they are up against President Skroob level security.
And yet, our heroes are stymied. Before the movie began, Flynn had been trying to get in for weeks and Alan had built his sophisticated program, Tron. And yet, it took the Master Control Program scanning Flynn in before they were able to circumvent all this security. Apparently, they never learned advanced hacking techniques like asking, "Hey, Dillinger, what's your password?" or looking at the sheet of paper on his desk labeled password.
It might not have been so bad if the movie didn't also show Alan entering his password/my new band name, Reindeer Flotilla, a perfectly fine choice for the time. The intention might have been to indicate how much smarter/talented/sophisticated the heroes are than Dillinger, but it just further demonstrates why hacking in shouldn't have been much of a problem for them.
The moral of the story is if at any point while reading this you said, "I have the same password on my _____," it's time to change it.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Toy Story- Why Isn't This Terrifying?
Toy Story is the beloved family movie which introduced the world to the wonder that is Pixar. To show you how much I love this movie, here are my official rankings of every Pixar film.
1. Toy Story 3
2. Toy Story
3. Up
4. A Bug's Life (Has been way underrated)
5. Finding Nemo
6. Toy Story 2
7. Wall-E
8. The Incredibles (Has been way overrated)
9. Ratatouille
10. Monsters Inc.
11. Cars 2
12. Cars (Will being about Pixar's inevitable demise)
All three Toy Story films bunch in the top six, despite the annual greatness that is Pixar. But these days, looking back on these movies, I can't imagine why they didn't traumatize an entire generation.
The premise of Toy Story is terrifying. It's essentially the same as the Child's Play films. All of you're toys are sentient and capable of self-motivation. They are well-organized and detailed oriented. They are known to conspire with animals which will follow their commands. They experience human emotions especially jealousy and loneliness, which are the driving force behind the plot of all three films. The moral of the (toy) story is treat your toys well, don't forget about any of them, and give them all equal attention or they will probably kill you while you sleep.
If you think I reading too much into this, let me remind you of this scene...
Sid wasn't very nice to his toys, so they all banded together to give him severe psychological trauma. Woody made no qualms about intentionally scaring the shit out of Sid and probably doing permanent damage to his psyche. Notice how they invoke zombie movies as the toys rise from the sandbox and Woody tops it all off with the head spin from The Exorcist. Earlier on, we saw him attempting to murder Buzz. And, this guy is our hero, Andy's favorite and most trusted toy. Mr. Potato Head also shows some vengeful and homicidal tendencies when he rallies the other toys to attempt to kill Woody on two separate occasions. Andy's toys also have an opportunity to save Woody from torture at the hands of Sid and vengefully choose not to help.
And, it's not just the human and animal toys that are intelligent. Toys like Etch-a-Sketch are also sentient which raises the question, "What isn't alive?" Cars? Robots? Damn you, Pixar, next you'll tell me there are monsters in my closet and rats in the kitchen. The logical conclusion of Toy Story is that everything around you is alive, highly intelligent, might want to kill you, and is capable of doing so. Sleep tight, kids!
As long as we're on the topic of things kids love that they should be scared of, Santa Claus. Santa is a fat, old man who hangs out at malls encouraging children to sit on his lap and tell him secrets. He watches them when they sleep, he keeps detailed lists of everything they do, and if he likes what he sees, he breaks into their house to give them presents. I think he lives at the North Pole so he doesn't have any neighbors to notify.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
The Last Airbender- A Special Series for a Terrible Movie (Part 1 of 4)
Avatar: The Last Airbender was one of the best animated series of all time. Its three season run frequently bordered on perfection. The Last Airbender, M. Night Shyamalan's adaptation of season one, fell far short of that standard. In honor of the spin-off series, Legend of Korra, set to premiere in November, No Spoiler Tags presents this four part weekly series examining the Avatar movie series we deserved but did not and probably never will see.
In part one, we talk about some of the bigger mistakes Shyamalan made (there are far too many to mention them all and they have been well documented on other sites) and discuss how I would have done a Avatar movie series on a thematic level. Parts two through four are plot outlines for the three movies.
The first mistake is that the movie was made far too soon. It should have been released about 10 years after the last episode aired in 2008 so the young fans of the show would be in their teens. This would allow for a more realistic look at the shows more adult themes (read: PG-13 or even R rating) including war, teen sex, torture, homosexuality (Azula and Ty Lee), prison life, enslavement, and especially genocide. Genocide is such a recurrent theme that one of them is even referenced in the title. In fact, genocide was attempted no less than five times in the series and was pretty much successful two or three times: Aang is the last airbender, Katara is the second to last southern waterbender, Zhao makes it clear he intends to kill everyone at the North Pole, the fire nation commander in The Painted Lady intended to kill everyone in that village (In The Ember Island Players, Sokka has a throwaway line about Katara being the Painted Lady which means that their ruse was eventually discovered and the village was likely destroyed.), and the Fire Lord wants to burn everyone in the Earth Kingdom to death. What's the point of making a live action version of an animated show, if we're not going to make a more mature version?
Letting the fans grow up would also allow for epic run times of greater than two and a half hours. Trying to cram the first season into ninety minutes meant cutting out a lot of details and storylines and that the dialog was about 90% exposition.
While I do think the movie version was more mature than the original, Shyamalan accomplished this not by exploring the realities of living in a world which has been encompassed by war for 100 years, but by sucking all the humor out of the original. The animated series suffered occasionally by trying to be too funny, but it would have been extremely depressing if it had no sense of humor. Aang and pals should be based off their more serious but still fun-loving season three versions. I would also bump up every character's age by 2-4 years.
One of the great things about the original series was how well thought out and logically consistent it was. Which is why the Fire Nation kept earthbending prisoners on a metal platform out at sea. Moving the prison to a rocky canyon undermined that entire scene.This is the equivalent of capturing a squad of Marines putting them in the armory, not locking the door, and then saying "Ha-ha-ha. You can never escape."
In the animated series, firebenders could make their own fire. In the movie, they could not. While I understand Shyamalan's thinking that firebenders have an unfair advantage because they cannot be separated from their element, it set up a scene where waterbenders were being killed by their own mood lighting. Also, when airbenders are separated from their element its called asphyxiation and its generally lethal, a waterbender prison in the series proved how hard it is to keep them prisoner, and the worthlessness of Aquaman teaches us that most battles take place on land.
The general tone should be similar to that of The Lord of The Rings films. Peter Jackson would be perfect to write the adaption and direct. Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Lord of The Rings have a lot in common. In fact, the first season of Avatar was essentially a remake of LOTR. Don't believe me? Read this plot synopsis of the first season with the LOTR equivalents in parenthesis.
In part one, we talk about some of the bigger mistakes Shyamalan made (there are far too many to mention them all and they have been well documented on other sites) and discuss how I would have done a Avatar movie series on a thematic level. Parts two through four are plot outlines for the three movies.
The first mistake is that the movie was made far too soon. It should have been released about 10 years after the last episode aired in 2008 so the young fans of the show would be in their teens. This would allow for a more realistic look at the shows more adult themes (read: PG-13 or even R rating) including war, teen sex, torture, homosexuality (Azula and Ty Lee), prison life, enslavement, and especially genocide. Genocide is such a recurrent theme that one of them is even referenced in the title. In fact, genocide was attempted no less than five times in the series and was pretty much successful two or three times: Aang is the last airbender, Katara is the second to last southern waterbender, Zhao makes it clear he intends to kill everyone at the North Pole, the fire nation commander in The Painted Lady intended to kill everyone in that village (In The Ember Island Players, Sokka has a throwaway line about Katara being the Painted Lady which means that their ruse was eventually discovered and the village was likely destroyed.), and the Fire Lord wants to burn everyone in the Earth Kingdom to death. What's the point of making a live action version of an animated show, if we're not going to make a more mature version?
Letting the fans grow up would also allow for epic run times of greater than two and a half hours. Trying to cram the first season into ninety minutes meant cutting out a lot of details and storylines and that the dialog was about 90% exposition.
While I do think the movie version was more mature than the original, Shyamalan accomplished this not by exploring the realities of living in a world which has been encompassed by war for 100 years, but by sucking all the humor out of the original. The animated series suffered occasionally by trying to be too funny, but it would have been extremely depressing if it had no sense of humor. Aang and pals should be based off their more serious but still fun-loving season three versions. I would also bump up every character's age by 2-4 years.
One of the great things about the original series was how well thought out and logically consistent it was. Which is why the Fire Nation kept earthbending prisoners on a metal platform out at sea. Moving the prison to a rocky canyon undermined that entire scene.This is the equivalent of capturing a squad of Marines putting them in the armory, not locking the door, and then saying "Ha-ha-ha. You can never escape."
In the animated series, firebenders could make their own fire. In the movie, they could not. While I understand Shyamalan's thinking that firebenders have an unfair advantage because they cannot be separated from their element, it set up a scene where waterbenders were being killed by their own mood lighting. Also, when airbenders are separated from their element its called asphyxiation and its generally lethal, a waterbender prison in the series proved how hard it is to keep them prisoner, and the worthlessness of Aquaman teaches us that most battles take place on land.
The general tone should be similar to that of The Lord of The Rings films. Peter Jackson would be perfect to write the adaption and direct. Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Lord of The Rings have a lot in common. In fact, the first season of Avatar was essentially a remake of LOTR. Don't believe me? Read this plot synopsis of the first season with the LOTR equivalents in parenthesis.
Katara (Frodo) and the brave, loyal, but basically useless Sokka (Sam) find Aang (the One Ring), a powerful entity missing from the world for 100 (3,000) years and the only thing that the Fire Lord (Sauron) needs in order to complete his conquest of the world. In order to save the world, Aang must be taken to Master Pakku (Mt. Doom) the only person who can teach him waterbending (place it can be destroyed). Katara and Sokka live in the South Pole (Shire), an isolated village populated entirely by short people, and are forced to flee when agents of the Fire Lord discover the location of Aang. On their journey Aang, Katara, and Sokka (the fellowship of the ring) are pursued by two forces: Zuko (Golem) and Zhao (Ringwraiths). Zuko is a hideously deformed creature with questionable loyalties and a possible case of schizophrenia who only wants Aang for his own purposes and will aide Aang’s journey if he believes it is the best way to ultimately capture Aang. Zhao is ruthless and unquestionably loyal to the Fire Lord. The story reaches a climax at the siege of the North Pole (Minas Tirith) which is won with a crazy, amazing spirit attack.
Finally, changing the pronunciation of all the character's names was just annoying.
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